No.
Well, maybe the fact that I'm writing a blog entry about it, but let's ignore that for a moment.
The entire office b-day party/charade hinges on the person getting the cake. The fun party hats are never fun, the decorations, if any, are always half-assed, and the ratio of sincere to insincere birthday wishes on the birthday card is heavily weighted towards insincere. So the only really enjoyable part is the cake and even then its enjoyable for only one out of three people (this is the studied and proven percentage of people on this planet who genuinely like cake. Everyone else hates it.).
So my advice for the office party cake:
1. Don't let the fat secretary pick up the cake. I know your instinct is to delegate a menial task like this to your underling. But she will get the kind she loves and you can bet your ass it will be some kind of butter cream monstrosity that's overly sweet.
2. Erotic cakes are only awkward or offensive in an office environment. They are hilarious everywhere else.
3. The smaller the cake the better. If you get a huge cake then that will be the talk of the office for the rest of the day cause people in offices are usually impressed by lame shit like a big cake. "Oh man, did you see the size of Jamie's birthday cake? I had a piece and it went straight to my thighs! AHAHAHA!" PUNCH. "Ouch. Why did you hit me?"
If someone farted at the office birthday party, that would make it awesome.
ReplyDeleteAs I pondered this blog entry further, it reminded me of the story Dave tells about this chick at his work that eats a lot of cake. He and his coworkers were meeting in a room with glass walls. Cake chick came running up to the room because she was late for the meeting and picked the wrong panel of glass which was not the door. She ran smack into a glass wall leaving a greasy face print. In shock and with the entire meeting full of people staring and laughing, she tried to wipe the grease off but it just smeared all over. That is why cake is bad.
ReplyDeletePathetic? You tell me? At work, a green folder of birthday cards go around the office to sign. The birthday cards usually feature silly photo of a cat, dog or mouse doing human activities on the front and the inside says something really cheesy - like CHEESE! happy birthday! It gets passed around and signed by the entire company. Then on your b-day you don't have to show up for work. Its paid day off. And to make it even better - the company celebrates on the 15th of each month. A bounty of donuts and bagels are served up once a to celebrate whoseever b-day occured that month. AND No one ever knows who's b-day we are celebrating - nor does anyone socialize in the break room either during the grazing session. Everyone grabs a donut and a cold bagel with cold plain cream cheese and stuffs their face in the privacy of their bright maroon cubicles. Fun times Fun times
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